Means to an End
by RedandLizzie
Summary: Liz and Red are in an established relationship but then... Alternate universe. Written post S1E18.[Lizzington]


**Means to an End**

**Summary:** Liz and Red are in an established relationship but then...

**Note: **I'm thinking one or two more chapters for this one. As always, feedback is appreciated.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own The Blacklist or any of these wonderful characters. The brilliant Jon Bokenkamp and NBC do. This is a transformative work and no money is being made from this story.

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They had been lovers for a little over five weeks, and the memories of their time together was at the forefront of her mind whenever she wasn't with him. She thought of Raymond Reddington at nearly every waking moment, and with a new found obsession that often left her questioning her sanity.

Five days had passed since their romantic dinner at 1789. Red had departed for Brussels immediately following, but not before taking her into his arms and holding her tightly against his chest, whispering exactly what they would do when he returned. The past few days without him had beat the previous record of forty-six hours from three weeks ago, and Liz felt as though he had been gone for an eternity.

Liz had managed to hide in her office most of the day and finish the necessary report that would allow her to leave for a much needed long weekend by 1:30. She hadn't told Red when they had spoken briefly that morning, but she hoped they could spend the entire three days together.

Today was his birthday, and she had been working over the last week to make it a very special occasion; even roping Dembe in to assist with her surprise. The bodyguard had agreed to pick up the very early dinner she had personally ordered from Tosca's Executive Chef. Red's beloved white Alba truffles were in season and they were going to dine on the restaurant's two truffle specialties: White Truffle Taglierini and the Risotto al Tartufi Bianchi which featured a decadent triple threat of truffle butter, truffle oil, and shaved white truffles.

Her gift for him, a forty year old bottle of Glenlivet whiskey, seemed trivial but she was at a loss as to what to give the multimillionaire who wanted for nothing. Liz considered her true present to be the letter she had spent hours composing, expressing her gratitude, explaining in intricate detail how he made her feel, and ending with a declaration of love. Although she originally promised herself she would wait for him to say those three words, she realized a little over a week earlier that it no longer mattered; she wanted to tell him.

She went to her apartment and changed into a dress, something Red often requested though she rarely complied, and packed a small suitcase. Liz then drove to Filoa for a box of Red's favorite dessert, bomboloni, Italian doughnuts filled with a variety of concoctions - chocolate, custard, and marmalade.

Liz couldn't suppress her smile as she phoned Dembe for directions and access instructions to Red's latest abode. The bodyguard shared in a quiet cheerful voice that he had just left to pick up their meal, and that Red was still clueless as to her planned afternoon and evening.

After arriving at the large brick building, Liz bypassed the elevator as she did not want to knock on the front door of the fifth story loft and found the private back stairway. When she reached the back entry, she entered the second security code and held her breath at the loud beep and sound of cylinder locks disengaging. When she stepped into the apartment, she found herself in the laundry room and stopped to listen, trying to determine if Red had heard her entrance. The soft sounds of jazz greeted her, and she knew the composer was one of Red's favorites; though try as she might, she could never recall the saxophonist's name. As she stepped into the kitchen, a broad smile broke out across her face; and just as she began to open her mouth to call to him, she heard Madeline Pratt's voice causing her face to fall immediately.

She could tell they were just on the other side of the wall that stopped well before meeting the tall ceiling, allowing sound to travel unhindered through the loft. The woman spoke in a low seductive tone, and Red's voice matched Madeline's describing how wonderful she smelled before asking if she wore the perfume he had specially designed for her. Liz closed her eyes and clutched at the items in her hands. In the process, she rumpled the very expensive stationery on which she had written more truth than she had ever shared with anyone.

After hearing Madeline's affirmative response, that she had worn the scent for Red's birthday, Liz felt a head rush that made her unsteady on her feet. She stood still for long seconds before silently stepping forward and placing the dessert, bottle of scotch with the carefully handcrafted gold bow, and envelope holding the words of her undying affection on the stone countertop. She then flattened her palms against the cold granite and breathed out, counting to ten.

The white noise finally cleared from her ears and she listened as Madeline spoke, "The story you shared as to why you didn't meet me in Florence - the one about your family. Raymond, we can start over now."

"My second chance is in play."

The lilt in Madeline's voice was evident. "Yes?"

"The girl you met. She's an important part."

"You can't be serious. The drug store thief from Nebraska?" Madeline laughed, a light carefree sound, before saying, "Wait. You've seduced her, haven't you?"

There was a long pause before Madeline continued, "And does she know the role she's playing, Raymond? Have you even given her an inkling to your history - the long line of devastated females you've left in your wake? I must admit, I actually liked the girl and would hate to see her heart broken. She left me with the impression that she has been terribly hurt, and once more just might be one too many."

The room grew quiet and Liz was certain they must hear the beating of her heart drumming against her ribcage. She then heard the rustling of clothes and soft footfalls and assumed Red was moving. She turned her head, terribly afraid Red would appear at the entrance to the kitchen, but then heard the clank of glass and ice as Red poured drinks.

After several more seconds, Red spoke, "The girl is a means to an end, Maddie, nothing more. And we both know what happens to people who serve us to that end. It's a shame but often a necessity. Now tell me about Prague."

The tears that had been building escaped her eyes, and she gripped the edge of the countertop as Madeline began rattling on about a file of extreme importance to a French ambassador.

Liz made her way to a stool at the bar and sat as the heavy tears blurred her vision. She thought of leaving but knew if she ran, she would never be able to face him again. And as much as the thought of escape comforted her, she couldn't run; she needed her job, not just as a means to pay bills but as a reason to continue.

Liz sat and lost track of time, no longer listening to their conversation; only pausing her thoughts when Red or Madeline laughed.

The sound of the front door made her wipe at her face; her tears had long since dried but she didn't want Red to see the evidence of their previous existence. She heard Red speak to Dembe, something about the smell coming from the package he was holding and the large man's soft reply. She listened to the clip of steps across the hard floor and Red's voice as it grew much quieter. A few whispers later, she heard the men approaching the kitchen, and Liz began stroking the scar on the hand she held in her lap.

She looked at Dembe first who immediately placed the large paper bag on the counter and quickly retreated before making eye contact. Liz steeled herself, and looked at Red who swallowed before diverting his eyes to the bag from Tosca's then to the other items she had brought.

She saw the twitch below his left eye and the purse of his mouth before he asked, "How long have you been here?"

Liz stared at him, and he looked back just as intently. Liz looked down at the bar then placed her hands along the edge, scooting the stool back before replying, "Long enough."

"You didn't use the front door."

Liz felt the brim of tears as she studied the muted pattern of the gray rock surface and pushed back hard refusing to let them fall. "It's your birthday. I wanted to surprise you. But... I guess... I'm the one who got the real surprise."

His tone dropped lower. "Elizabeth."

She closed her eyes at his use of her forename, something he usually reserved for when they were in the bedroom. After a few seconds, Liz opened her eyes and saw Madeline appear behind him. Liz stood and smoothed the front of her dress before walking to the counter to retrieve her purse. After a moment of consideration, she picked up the envelope that had his name written clearly in black ink across the front.

Liz took a deep breath and turned to face him before looking in Madeline's direction. "Why don't you both enjoy the meal. I would hate to see it go to waste. Dembe did go well out of his way to pick it up."

When she saw Red close his eyes, she began walking and the moment she was next to him, he reached out and grabbed the wrist of the hand holding the now tightly crumpled envelope. She stopped her forward momentum, her eyes meeting Madeline's who was watching intently as the scene in front of her unfolded.

Liz thought of slapping him. She wanted to hit him, to let out some of the emotion that was bubbling almost uncontrollable under her skin. Instead, she leaned over and placed her lips against his cheek, letting them linger for what she knew was far too long; closing her eyes and breathing him in one last time, forcing his scent and the feel of his skin to memory. She then traced the outline of his ear with a brush of her lips before whispering, "Happy birthday, Red."

As she leaned back, his grip on her wrist tightened and she spoke firmly. "This game you've been playing... with me... it's over. There's no need for you to be concerned though, I will continue to do as you ask, serve as the means to an end. I now understand that's my fate in life."

His soft, "No," sounded familiar to her. She had heard it before in another setting, at another time when she thought he had betrayed her.

She jerked her hand out of his grasp which caused her to drop the envelope. As it landed next to his shoe, she met his dark eyes. "I think both of you will enjoy the reading material I've supplied. It should be good for a few laughs over the bombolini, or better yet save it for the Glenlivet. It should prove hilarious once you've had a few drinks."

When she walked by Madeline, the older woman brushed Liz's bare arm with her hand and Liz stopped, looking her directly in the eye before speaking. "Congratulations. It would appear your competition for his affection has been reduced by one. Of course, I was never truly part of the equation."

Liz paused then continued in a softer voice that sounded frail and broken, "I do wonder... Red once described you as a woman of singular talents. I'm sure I bored him in that regard. My insecurities always left me suspecting I was a disappointment, though I never had the courage to voice that concern. I mean look at you. And me, I'm just... a small scale grifter from Nebraska."

Liz turned back toward Red who still faced away from her. "I'm sorry you had to suffer through these past five weeks. I know men feel differently about intimacy, but it couldn't have been easy. I remember those times I had to be with Tom, to stay the course, and they were among the worst experiences of my life."

As Madeline's hand circled her forearm, Liz met the socialite's eyes and found them filled with tears. Liz spoke louder this time, feeling anger biting at the pit of her stomach, "Don't waste your tears on me, Ms. Pratt. I don't even know who I am. Red never bothered to tell me, and if you don't know yourself, how can you possibly matter?"

Liz watched a tear escape the corner of Madeline's eye before she caught sight of Dembe standing against the wall of the great room. The bodyguard met her eyes, and she saw the pity clearly written on his face. Liz took a step forward, breaking free of Madeline's grasp, and walked to the front door, opening and shutting it softly behind her. The wait for the elevator seemed endless, and when she finally made it to her car, the dam broke and her body was racked with sobs.


End file.
